themightybosstone | Limelight IC Inbox

[ if he's crying, shuddering like a leaf in the wind, no one ever needs to know...right? ]

I can't — I can't.

[ his voice comes out choked, barely making it past the tightness of his throat ]

I can't do that again. And it's going to happen, it — I don't know how to —

[ cuts himself off with another shudder, admits, ]

I was going to die there. I was so sure — either they were going to look back, or it'd be the monster, and it got close? It got so close. I wasn't even thinking about...I thought Acidia would stay safe — why wasn't I thinking about them? What's wrong with me?

[No one will know at all.

He'd never considered ever being on another team, really. Never put his head around it. Probably couldn't handle the ups and downs of dealing with the kind of people Acidia serves, the hurt and the angry.

... But right now, he wishes that had been his path. Some way to help more than this. Able to tell him he doesn't NEED to do it again because he's got it.

But he doesn't. He can't.]

You can only deal with what's in front of you. Aster, you fuckin' turned the performance on its head with em. If you were thinkin' about them when the shit was flyin'... you wouldn't have been able to support em after.

Best thing you can do for them is put your weight into every punch you throw. You get me? And they need to do the same for you.

Edited 2024-10-14 17:06 (UTC)

[ but. he didn't particularly deserve the kindness he got; he'd much rather acidia had the luck he did, instead; he didn't actually contribute to outsmarting the performance, besides not dying, and that wasn't really in his hands either; he hasn't really supported anyone since, has he?; (it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me it should've been me) — ]

It has to go both ways. Or else it's just...

[ stumbling out and finding bodies.

(maybe it's simple. the others really do keep their promise that it won't happen again, or he makes sure it doesn't) ]

... Yeah.

[This is a miserable thing to say but he has to say it. It HAS to be out there.]

Even when it's up against me an' mine. If we can't find some way t'beat it together.

[ a shudder ]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean — I wouldn't have wanted Velveteen to get killed like that.

[ god. left breathless by his own selfishness, sometimes ]

I don't even want to... [ that IS a miserable thing to say. miserable thing to think about, too; rather than doing that, confesses, ] I think I need the others more than they need me. Not Nettle, but...everyone else. I don't have anything if I don't have all of you, but that's not how it is for them. Trying to save Vel was the right thing to do, but it also meant...

[ swallows. softer, ]

Guess I wouldn't stress coming back for me either.

[Looks at Aster, ears going back.]

[Just CHOMPS HIM. No fangs but still.]

[ HELP??????? ]

Ow, why?

[He lets go.]

Couldn't help it. Sometimes I hear things so dumb I gotta take a bite out of it.

Now, what's that about the people who OBVIOUSLY NEED YOU, me, the fuck, included?

[ GAPING FOR A SECOND BEFORE HE CAN COPE WITH THIS ]

What's so obvious ab — don't bite me again.

[Waits.

Jaws open.]

...most of the guys with Acidia barely knew me before the ship. Some didn't at all. And even the rest, like, I've only been around for a month or two? Goes for people from other Families I know too.

[ if he's edging away as he says this, no he's not ]

I love them. I don't think that's one-sided. But I don't...come on, Brocade. You've lived your whole lives without me. I don't do anything special. I know it would suck if anything for real happened to me, but who'd even care after a couple of years?

Besides probably Nettle. And maybe Chiff.