[ shudders, taking a few moments to chuckle it out ]
I know, I know. I just... I thought that, after that whole spiel about working as a team, after I went and sliced that girl's head off— I thought it was important to them, you know? And it was. It is.
But only when I do it.
When Azalea does whatever she wants, it's fine. When Thistle does it, it's fine. If I try to kill a guy I barely know to get back to someone from our own Family, if I'm already prepared to kill that guy, suddenly everyone's trying to lecture me about taking on too much of a burden or having too much to lose or being too soft or wanting to protect me when it's too fucking late, boss.
[ sorry, he needs a sec to just, cry. luckily all the easy target liquids are already scattered harmlessly across the floor ]
... You get it, right? It's too late. I don't need it anymore. I, I don't. . .
[It's a side of him he knew was there. There's no way not to have known. Have had it confirmed in a thousand little ways around the cafe, and a thousand more now that they're in danger.]
I get it. [Hand brushing over his hair, tone quiet.] ... I think there's plenty there.
But feelin' like you don't got a choice or a say... it's worse.
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[ shudders, taking a few moments to chuckle it out ]
I know, I know. I just... I thought that, after that whole spiel about working as a team, after I went and sliced that girl's head off— I thought it was important to them, you know? And it was. It is.
But only when I do it.
When Azalea does whatever she wants, it's fine. When Thistle does it, it's fine. If I try to kill a guy I barely know to get back to someone from our own Family, if I'm already prepared to kill that guy, suddenly everyone's trying to lecture me about taking on too much of a burden or having too much to lose or being too soft or wanting to protect me when it's too fucking late, boss.
[ sorry, he needs a sec to just, cry. luckily all the easy target liquids are already scattered harmlessly across the floor ]
... You get it, right? It's too late. I don't need it anymore. I, I don't. . .
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I get it. [Hand brushing over his hair, tone quiet.] ... I think there's plenty there.
But feelin' like you don't got a choice or a say... it's worse.
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It is?
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[ Simple and complete. ]
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What's wrong with me, boss? One bad performance. One bad performance and I'm already. . .
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I know shit just gets walked off in the movies. .. Wish I could do that too.
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Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
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I really thought I could keep our promise. That we wouldn't ever...
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[He doesn't know if they can. If that was ever a good promise.]
Yer someone I love.
That one?... I can keep that one.
1/2
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...
Don't not come back. Even if I... even if we have to. . .
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Yeah, gotta marry Sam to a few walls.
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[ gives Brocade one last squeeze, then lets go. rubs his eyes on his sleeve ]
Add those bottles to the IOU. You know the drill.
I love you, boss.
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[There has never been a spreadsheet. ]
... Love ya too, li'l bro.
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yeah no he's leaving before he starts crying again. BYE ]